Birth of an Attitude
Our society is in the midst of a growing epidemic of violence. The causes of some types of violence, while not excusable, are at least understandable. Poverty and despair will indeed drive people, in an effort to get what they feel society "owes" them, to commit violent crimes. One form of violence, domestic violence, has always perplexed me. As a man opposed to violence in general, and violence against women in particular, I wanted to find the true cause of the problem. I wanted to find the origin of this "if I can't have her, no one can" mentality a man would have to posses to justify, in his own mind, the physical abuse of a woman. My search ended in a most surprising place, a King James version of the Holy Bible.
There is no single factor that has had as much of an impact on civilization (the last 1000 years) as the rise of Christianity. The Bible, having been in print since 1456, has been read by more people the world over than any book ever printed. In America and elsewhere, many laws that make up the boundaries of socially acceptable behavior are lifted directly from the Bible. Laws against Adultery, fornication, homosexuality and even Witchcraft, though seldom enforced, are on the books in many states. For better or worse, Christian values are a part of the fabric of our society.
Many of the lessons taught in the Bible are obvious. Of course you shouldn't kill, steal or lie. These are the values heard in a typical Sunday sermon. It's only when you look deeper, beyond the obvious, that you find the hidden lessons of the Bible. These are the passages the clergy would rather not discuss, the passages that lay the foundation for the attitude that men are superior to women, or that a women is a man's "property".
I have found, after 15 years of marriage, in order to survive, a marriage has to be an equal partnership, both partners working together to benefit the relationship. The Bible gives different advice. "Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands" (3Peter1) "And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind and submissive to their husbands: (Titus2/5). This theme of submissiveness is carried on throughout the book. "Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent."(1Timothy2/11, 12). "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord, for the husband in the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church" (Esphesians 5/22).
Taken one by one, these passages might not amount to much. It is only when you notice the same phrases or ideas repeated over and over that you begin to see a pattern emerge. It begins in Genesis 3/16 when, for the crime of gaining knowledge, Eve is told, "I shall greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth your children. Yet your desire shall be for you husband, and he shall rule over you". Just giving birth to a female child was considered somehow "bad". "If a woman conceives and bears a male child, then she shall be unclean seven days, but if she bears a female child, she shall be unclean two weeks" (Leviticus 12/5).
The concept of a woman being a man's property is another theme repeated many times over. Exodus 21/7 gives very specific instructions, beginning with "When a man sells his daughter as a slave..." This, apparently is acceptable behavior. It is worth noting that the only way a man can end up a slave is by being unfortunate enough to be captured in battle, or by willingly selling himself into slavery to settle a debt. In fact, Exodus 21/16 says, "Whoever steals a man shall be put to death". Leviticus 27/3 actually puts a dollar value on gender: "Then your valuation of a male shall be fifty shekels of silver, if the person is a female, your valuation shall be thirty shekels".
Reinforcing the ideal of women as some sort of prize, Numbers 31/15-18 tells us. "Moses said to them, 'Have you let all the women live? Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him. But all the young girls who have not known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves'." Deuteronomy 20/14 repeats this idea saying. "Put all its males to the sword, but the women and the little ones, the cattle, and everything else in the city you shall take as booty for yourselves". The most extreme example of this is Judges 19/23: "No, my brethren, do not act so wickedly; seeing that this man has come into my house, do not do this vile thing. Behold, here are my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out now. Ravish them and do with them what seems good to you' But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine and put her out to them; and they knew her and abused her all night until the morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go. And as morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man's house where her master was, till it was light". This man was willing to hand over his daughter to an enraged mob of men to protect a stranger he had just met.
I have illustrated here just a few examples of the attitude that is the undercurrent of the Bible. These are the values that, over the almost two millennia since their inception, have slowly crept into the collective subconscious of men the world over. There is no excuse for the abuse some women suffer at the hands of the men they love. My hope is that by understanding where these attitudes come from, we (men) can work towards changing the way we relate to women. I think it's time we end the idea of "women as the weaker sex" (1Peter 3/7).
Copyright 1993 Ron Bargoot